I don’t know everything there is to know on this topic but I do know somethings. From experience I would be willing to say that every family, every work environment and every community has at least one VERY negative figure. I’m not talking about your every-day run-of-the-mill kind of person who complains a lot and makes themselves a nuissance everywhere they go. The kind of negative figure I’m talking about here is the kind who does their dirty work behind the scenes when they think no body is watching. The kind of negative figure who uses somewhat remarkable skills of manipulation to cause conflict and wreak havoc on the lives of those who are closest to them.
In the past, I used to think my family was the only one who had a negative figure like this. But in time I’ve come to see that every family has at least one. So what to do?
For kind-hearted people who like to help & encourage others, for those of us who seek at all times to offer support and to cheer the hearts of our friends and neighbours, to even try to fathom the depth of the scale of the negativity we are dealing with here is mind-boggling. I realize that. This is why it took 3 posts to get to this point. And even now there are still so many aspects of this topic to be addressed.
Nonetheless, I will give you one key which will always work no matter who you are or where you live or what the particular pattern of your own narcissistic figure is. When you get this key and use it, you will be so surprised at how wonderful life can be.
The key is this. It is a principle and when you live by this principle all things will change.
STAY OUT OF CONFLICT
That’s it. 4 words. Stay out of conflict.
In order to master the Master Manipulator in your life you must learn to Stay Out Of Conflict at all times and under all conditions.
Easier said then done, right?
Well there are a lot of ways to go about staying out of conflict but here are 5 steps which work well.
- Know Your Self – If you know yourself well then you will be able to determine what feels like conflict for you and what doesn’t. When you feel afraid or angry, most likely something is happening within you or around you which is conflicted. Know within yourself what leads to feeling and experiencing a condition of feeling uplifted and achieved and what leads to feeling devastated or debased. Do what lifts you up.
- Think For Yourself – Since your own personal experience of conflict comes from your own knowing of your Self, then it is really important that you come to see through your own eyes and that you know and value your own point of view. Your perspective and your opinion matter. Thinking for yourself helps to separate you from the conflict. This is so important.
- Trust Your Instincts – This one seems to be hard for a lot of people since most of us were taught at a young age to not trust our intuition and when we set out to know and think for ourselves we awaken our Inner Knowingness again. Learning to listen to and trust this inner voice of wisdom and guidance takes time and practice. Be Patient with yourself and also try to have fun with it. When you can start to feel playful and fun with this part of yourself you know that you are making progress.
- Give Your Self Permission to Define Your Life – There is so much to say here I can’t capture it all in one paragraph but the most important concept is that you allow yourself to create your own life story. Define yourself as you wish to be and do not allow others to persuade you from your positive vision of yourself. When you are staying out of conflict more and more you will find you have more time and energy to do what you want to do. So give yourself permission to define this as you wish and do not let others draw you into a story you do not wish to be in.
- Give Your Self Permission to Experience (and ENJOY) Your Life – If you have been living in conflict for some time then you may have even forgotten what it is like to truly experience and enjoy life. As you practice these steps you will find yourself laughing more, smiling more, and getting ideas to do things which you really want to do. More and more you will have opportunities to do these things without any inner or external conflict getting in the way. When the opportunity for play and adventure shows up, go for it! Enjoy!
More and more, as you practice these keys to staying out of conflict you will find it getting easier and easier to really know, love and enjoy your new Self and the new life which is emerging around you. Sure, it takes time and requires Patience. But just like a delicious apple which takes time to go from seed to fruit, so does the process of growth also take its time. However, with regular attention to the growth and process, you will surely find the fruits of your life becoming more and more abundant with the dawn of every day.