Construction Dreams: Take Steps To Build A New You

In the dream, there was some struggle to remove myself from someone’s conflict. Finally I got away and I was walking down a street in Ridgeway looking for a road to walk down which would easily bring me home. Each street I passed had construction and the street was totally blocked. Finally I found one which had bulldozers all along the left side of it but there was a narrow path for walking and workers were letting people through. I turned down that street because I knew it would bring me home.

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The setting in a dream tells about when an issue started. The issue I’m working on right now in real life is about developing emotional intimacy in close relationships in the present and in the long-term.

The dream tells me that the issue started when I lived and went to school at Ridgeway Crystal Beach High School.  Lately I’ve been recalling that there was a time, in the summer when I turned 15 and through to age 17 when I went through earth-shattering experiences which were so difficult to deal with and understand that I closed off a lot of my hopes and dreams and I forgot who I was and what I wanted and I just largely gave up on life.

A lot of components went into this feeling of devastation. Here are a few:

  • My parents divorcing
  • Changing schools from Welland to RCBHS (age 16, 1993)
  • My friend being hit by a drunk driver and killed
  • Not getting selected for a play I’d auditioned for
  • Not doing well at a track & field meet, and giving up on sports
  • My best friend getting a boyfriend and I felt abandoned
  • My mom getting pregnant from her boyfriend & then miscarrying

At the time, I was looking for this one thing which would bring me back to myself, to the feeling of relative safety and comfort I had before the divorce but I could not remember that it was running that I wanted and that I missed so much.

I kept looking around for any solution and instead of finding what I was looking for, I found a lot of others who were also in a lot of pain and I started to hang around with them. We started drinking, doing drugs, staying up all night, sleeping all day.

I dropped out/was kicked out of school in Grade 11 and worked at Tim Horton’s for a year then returned to an Adult Education Centre in Niagara Falls when I was 18 to get the few remaining credits I needed to receive a high school equivelancy.

I remember at the time wondering why my parents were letting this happen to me.

Now I know there were many more forces at work in society than they had influence over. They didn’t have the solutions either.

So to dream of walking by that old school means I can look back at some issues which were big in my life back then and I can, in essence, choose a new path.

The road ahead is full of construction. That means there is a lot of building and constructing coming up ahead. But I will get to where I’m headed now.

The bulldozer is a powerful symbol for me which is about consciously tearing down the internal walls or barriers which stop me from going for what I want.

A whole row of them, as far as the eye can see, signals to me a lot of change coming up, one after another.

But that is better than a storm or a wave or a flood. It is systematic and linear and purposeful.

So that makes it manageable.

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UPDATE: I turned the lesson from this dream series into an e-book and it can be purchased in the Product section of this blog. As I am an independent mother, all proceeds from the sales of this book contribute towards a sustainable upbringing for my daughter and myself.

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